I have been calling myself a feminist for a very long time now, without realizing the real meaning of the word. I started calling myself a feminist because I didn’t want to compromise, I didn’t what guys and men to think of me as a weak person, because in their mind a woman is a weak person. And I still don’t want that. I watched everything I could about Kathleen Hanna and the 90s feminist movement, I was mesmerized and amazed by these women, who were doing what they wanted, without thinking about the opinion of men. They were ruthless. But I don’t think 90s feministic standards fit today. Today, feminism is chic. Every woman is a feminist, despite the way the think, dress, look and so on. They use the word feminism the same way I use it – to define that they don’t want to be controlled by men. But the truth is, they still are controlled, without realizing it, by men. Most of the girls my age talk about “strong women”, and yet they spend every night thinking about the guy that they made out with, they had sex with. They talk about men all the time, trying to figure out why a certain guy did what he did and how could he do it. Yet, we all know why he did it, but these girls have an enormous feeling of satisfaction when they talk with their girlfriends and try to figure out the subtle signs men and guys give us while flirting, or while being in a relationship, or after a break-up. I have figured it all out, with their guys as well as mine, and now I’m silent. Because talking about men 24/7 and yet, calling yourself a feminist, means you are a hypocrite.
Today, especially after Emma Watson priceless speech about real feminism, gender equality and women in general, feminism has changed. Feminism has become all about women, instead of becoming all about both genders. Feminists now are viewed as elegant, beautiful creatures, who love make-up and fashion and a real woman is a woman who is elegant, taken care of, and well looked-after. The definition of woman is going back to the same definition it had decades ago. There is more and more self-confidence and self-help advice online and in general than it ever was. To be beautiful you have to do this, you have to be fit, you have to beautiful, you have to be elegant, you have to have manners. Why I like the 90s? Because 90s women were against all the things that are happening now. These women didn’t care about appearance, about manners, about femininity. Even the casual streets style today is a good example of the change: in the 90s, women bought clothes from male stores and wore their boyfriends’ or father’s clothes, without making them look feminine. The goal was totally different. The goal of wearing male clothes was to say – I don’t have to look sexy to be a woman. I don’t have to wear a dress to be a woman. Now, girls buy male clothes and fit them to a totally feminine style, cutting them up and changing the shapes and styles. Femininity is the word I hate, and women today shouldn’t try to encourage it. It may sound weird coming from a girl that calls herself a feminist. But to me, feminism is all about not caring about what men say and not trying to fit their taste. To me, being a feminist means not thinking about guys, until an actual guy comes along and you fall in love, because when you are in love, you have to think about the other person as well. I don’t mean changing to fit them. I mean you have to stop thinking about other guys and both sides should try to stand up for each other. To me, being a feminist is about reaching my goals without the help of my parents, or boyfriend, or men in general.
Which is why I have stopped calling myself a feminist. Because the majority of feminists today don’t stand the same ground as me. Or maybe I should keep calling myself a feminist and eventually women around me will realize what it is all about.
I have come to hate anything feminine.
I have come to hate all the trash-talk and male-talk.
I have come to hate girls and girl bands singing about love and men. I have come to hate make-up and long hair.
I have come to hate high heels. I don’t understand at all why women have to suffer and wear high heels just because centuries ago somebody decided that it makes our legs look more beautiful.
I have come to hate anything that can be mildly associated with women.
I have go to hate myself when I thing about guys and remember the relationships I used to have. I have come to hate people.
I have come to hate films with girls as main characters.
Why?
Because in almost every film or TV series, no matter how feministic they call themselves, the creators make the girls look extremely complicated, male-oriented and depressed. They make them look fragile and soft and girly. If there is a girl that doesn’t talk about men 24/7, that doesn’t wear dresses and doesn’t have short hair, she’s a lesbian. Or if there is the character created with the idea of a “strong woman”, she‘s extremely sexy and almost always half-naked and almost always tries to get around and reach the goal by seducing men. I watched the pilot of Girls after thinking of doing it for a very long time. I expected it to be this awesome TV series about young girls trying to make a living in the big city. But what I saw really disappointed me. The very first episode is about men. I like the beginning of Hannah’s story, until almost the half of the episode became about Hannah and her unexplained relationship with some guy. The other girl is pregnant, and the third girl can’t decide whether to break-up with her boyfriend. I was very upset. Because I wanted more. I wanted to see more than a 21s century remake of Sex and The City, only with younger characters, which actually makes it worse. I wanted to see what I saw in Whiplash – a person desperate to get what she wants, so desperate that she, without thinking twice, breaks up with her boyfriend to focus on her job. We almost never see that in films where girls are the main characters. In 106 minute Whiplash, the relationship of a boy and a girl is shown for maximum 5 minutes. Maybe a minute more. The other 100 are all about Andrew working his ass off to reach the ultimate goal. This is why I loved Whiplash – It’s ruthless, rough, tough, uncompromising and absolutely breathtaking. Something you never see when the main character is female. Because in such women, everything is softer, unless the female character is a lesbian (though there are some exceptions, like Foxfire and Million Dollar Baby). And if they are not soft, then the roughness is so fake it’s almost cheesy.
I have come to realize that my favorite films mostly have male characters: Fight Club, The Fall (although the main character is a girl, she is a kid and in this film, we don’t have the cheesy kid love story), Whiplash, Roadside Prophets, Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels, Snatch, Billy Elliot, Primal Fear, Trainspotting, Everything is Illuminated). If you think about it, why are these films interesting? Because they are not about and heterosexual relationship, or a romantic relationship in general. If you see a man and a woman, it doesn’t last more than a few minutes and it’s mostly just a passing thing and you stay focused on one thing – The Protagonist getting what he wants, which is not a girlfriend. Though I can name a few movies about women that really got to me, like The North Country, Kill Bill, The Virgin Suicides, Blue Jasmine, Melancholia. But still, most of these films’ protagonists have a story to tell because of a certain man in their life. While none of the films with male protagonists I listed above had a story to tell because of a woman. You know what I want to see in a film with female characters? I want to see only women, not like in the film Women, where there are absolutely no men and the women talk ABOUT men all the time, but only women working their ass off as Andrew does in Whiplash. I want to see a girl break up with her boyfriend without emotions and crying and thinking, because she needs to concentrate on her diploma or job or artistry or a film she’s making or her band or something like this. There are no women in Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels, but you don’t even notice this, because you don’t need the cheesy love story to be hooked. But for some reason, in films with women, no matter what the women wants, there is always a small love story. I want to see roughness, ruthless people, I want to see girls who argue with each other about life and politics and music and art, not men and sex.
Meanwhile, I have developed Neurosis. For the exact reasons I listed above. The world around me say: It’s important to have a boyfriend, to be feminine, to look good, to be sexy, to laugh guys’ jokes to make them like you, to be funny and laugh a lot, to be this to be that. Guys have to like you. Why don’t guys like you? Why don’t you have a boyfriend? Why don’t you go out much? I have been going out a lot with friends lately, and I shouldn’t have done that because that is exactly what led me to neurosis. The same stories over and over again: He likes her and she doesn’t and the other he is jealous while she likes the third someone and he loves her and she can’t stop thinking about her ex and they have to talk about their feelings and she found a new guy and she’s so good with guys and so on and so on. I could tell you a million love stories and a million flirt stories and a million break-up and a million make-up stories. All because that’s all that people around me are interested in and to them, I’m boring. Because I want to talk about how speechless good music leaves you, I want to talk about a new band I just discovered, I want to spend 3 hours discussing the Midnight in Paris, I want to talk about the idea of life and space. What I want to do is not give a shit about all these things that matter to girls around me. What I want to do is a get a job, make a name, and make people realize that while they were sitting in bars, trying to figure out their sexual desires and love life, I was working my ass off, and now, I am at the top. I am the new Charlie Parker.
Artistic Notions 